allow me to rant for a moment

June 25, 2010

Apparently the State of Wisconsin thinks as if the days between November and February aren’t miserable enough, what with the frigid temperatures and mountains of snow and ice, the brief, fleeting season we call summer should be non-existent in 2010. Instead of sunny, warm skies and nice breezes we are living in a rainy, bleak, thundery, humid sludge.

So humid I don’t even bother showering anymore. Actually, to be honest I didn’t shower all that much before the humidity moved in and replaced our oxygen with hot, sticky steam. In fact, since having the baby, it’s completely typical for me to go as much as 5 days without showering. I have gone easily more than one week without shaving. And right after I had her, it took me  6 weeks before I went and got my eyebrows waxed. But the unibrow was starting to block my vision so I gave in.

Anyway, where was I? Oh right. The humidity which is this week’s convenient excuse for my lack of hygiene.

Yesterday the thick humidity finally broke, a breeze started to blow, the sky was blue, and the sun was shining. A perfect summer day.  And what better way to enjoy it than packing up the baby and going for a long walk. 

We got all ready to go–see, we’re ready! (Please ignore the look on her face that says even my 11-week old baby realizes it’s ridiculous to make a baby wear sunglasses. Oh well, I’m her mother and I’ll exploit her cuteness by forcing her to wear useless baby accessories if I want to!)

We headed down our driveway and onto our road, but before we even made it to our mailbox I was assaulted! Assaulted by a legion of hungry, mangy, maniacal mosquitoes that attacked us in a ferocious rage and destroyed my aspirations of FOR ONCE getting outside and taking my sheltered skin from see-through white to at least egg-shell white.

There were so many mosquitoes, that came out of nowhere like some sort of mosquito militia, that it was almost hard to keep my eyes open. All I could think was COVER THE BABY!!!! while I thrashed my arms in a desperate panic, threw a blanket over her, cursed the very existence of these worthless insects, and sprinted back into the safety of our garage.

Judging by the insane amount of mosquito bites I received in a matter of about 10 seconds, I’d say the score is vicious mosquitoes: 58,903. Pale skin: zero.

And according to Bob Lindemeier, Channel 27 Chief Meteorologist, the forecast for today?

Humid and cloudy with an 80 % possibility for rain. Scattered thunderstorms probable. Rage, writhing, and scratching guaranteed.

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