Monday morning reality check: peeing is hard to do

February 8, 2010

At 33 weeks pregnant, I find it amazing that at least four times every night I am woken up with what feels like 2,000 pounds of pressure on my bladder and in fear that I have about 2 seconds to make it to the toilet before Niagara Falls explodes all over our bedroom…

Yet when I finally hoist myself out of bed, sprint/waddle to the toilet and sit down, NOTHING COMES OUT.

For a girl who has never had trouble peeing before, this is quite the odd phenomenon.

After one such “to pee or not to pee” situations last night around 3 a.m., I crawled back into bed, mystified at my bladder’s ability to be such a tease, and rowdy husband in his sleep mumbled to me:

“Is it ok if I sell your truck and buy a mustang? The car seat would look really hot in the back of a mustang.”

Then the baby, apparently also amused by its dad’s suggestion, decided to go back and forth between playing monkey bars on my ribs and attempting to force its way out by repeatedly throwing itself against each side of my belly.

Then I started laughing at how ridiculous it all was–AND WAIT…COULD IT REALLY BE HAPPENING? Yes internet, the perfect storm of my husband with his crazy talk combined with acrobat baby and faulty bladder all converged on me at once in my sleep-deprived state–and I laughed to myself until I had to run back to the bathroom and emptied what felt like 4  days worth of a full bladder.

And all was right in my weird little world again…at least for another hour until the dog started gagging and puked up trash on the floor.

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